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toxic people: pierce

Posted on September 7, 2010. Filed under: author: qout, confronting toxic people |

I wrote this today & I’ll mail it later this week: it’s a letter to my parents’ pastor.

Mr. Pierce:

A community controlled and poisoned by a single domineering personality – a cult – leaves a legacy of nothing but pain and bitterness. Since I am part of that legacy, I have the choice of ignoring it – like I have for the past few years – or confronting it, which means confronting you.

Four years after leaving, I’ve finally managed to surround myself with people whose intelligence and character I can respect. For most practical purposes, people like you are no longer part of my daily reality. I wish that leaving had fixed everything; I wish that being in a positive environment with wonderful people fixed everything; I wish I could simply forget those five years of my forced participation in your poisonous little kingdom – I wish it were that easy.

It’s not. So here’s me, saying FUCK YOU for therapy! There’s no reason to be polite with you. What you did was inexcusable: for all I know, you continue to treat my siblings the same way, and in that case – what you are still doing is inexcusable. Out of the army and into a church. You treat people – especially women, especially children – like marionettes, and you use your theology to justify it.

My mother says that you’ve gotten better, that you’re less condescending and controlling and treat people with more equality, so I remind her that you don’t actually believe in equality: you believe in your own authority (oh – “under God”, of course, and you’ll be “held accountable” for it). And that’s just as far as members of your own religion are concerned: as far as the rest of the world goes, well, you can judge them, right? “The spiritual man judgeth all things”, yeah? Because other people are all so deceived, and spiritually blinded, and whatnot – OB-VI-OUSLY you’re qualified to tell them what’s best. Man, I can only imagine how burdened you are by your responsibility to “shepherd” everybody. Accept my sympathies.

You so very confidently, so very often and so thoroughly expressed your opinions about who I should be – what I should think, read, listen to, believe, wear, say, converse with, where I should sit, what I should be allowed to aspire to, etc., etc., – and never once did I get the chance to reciprocate. But I’ve spent the past four years developing the voice that I wasn’t allowed to use under your regime, and I’m going to finally get a word in edgewise:

All your larnin’ on Greek, Hebrew, and biblical publik speakin’ from that tiny wingnut school in the South really paid off. It was a quality education and your intellect ranks among our century’s finest. You have my grudging respect. Or you did, until I was twelve and stopped being impressed by alliterative word games and speculative moralistic ramblings.

Srysly??? An anklet makes me look like a little strumpet? Good catch! If you hadn’t clued me in, I might have wandered outside and gotten raped and deserved it! Thanks for so thoughtfully monitoring my appearance. You’re a dear. Thanks, also, for criticizing my musical abilities. I defer to your tone-deaf-yet-superior judgement. And you’re welcome for the free music. Other gigs paid me $60 an hour.

(Oh, and thanks for treating my sweet old grandmother with such patent contempt. Do you really gotta establish your pastorly authority at the expense of saintly old women? Apparently! Good for you!)

No worries though – your deep paternalistic sincerity exempts you from criticism. Nothing but the purest Christian love motivates you. You definitely shouldn’t feel bad for any possible hurt you may have caused when you, Oh, I don’t know, kept publicly harassing a congregant whose medication caused him to fall asleep during your Oscar-worthy expositions. I’m sure the scald of public humiliation is nothing compared to the fires of hell! I’m sure he’ll thank you someday, when the Lord Almighty steps in to vindicate you and shower you with crowns!!

But seriously, thanks for exemplifying the kind of tremendously ignorant person that I never want to become. I doubt my econ degree will net me a sweet little parish and a handful of spiritual groupies, so the odds are thankfully in my favor. Keep on being that voice in the wilderness, preaching your heart out and suffering gladly for your convictions. It’s not popular or easy to be a disdainful, sanctimonious jerk, but you do it well, and society depends on your continued efforts to keep it from progressing.

Cheers.

Jay

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